Infidelity can break relationships – or help them to transform into a different level. It hurts, yes, and it seems much easier to go and forget about the relationship, try somebody new and follow your desires. Staying in a relationship when your partner has cheated you is shameful today, is seen as not taking care for yourself, as being a victim and weak.
Well, if it wasn’t so? The following talk by Esther Perel will give you some new insides into this topic – as it did for us:
- When we cheat on our partner, it isn’t always our partner that we are turning away from, but we are terning away from what we, ourselves, have become. It isn’t so much that we are looking for another person, as much as we are looking for another SELF
- Most people who cheat are feeling ALIVE. Death and mortality often live in the shadow of an affair. So cheating can be seen as an attempt to beat back deadness and is an antitode to DEATH
- Affaires are less about SEX but more about the DESIRE to feel special, important etc. And the desire stays enhanced by knowing that you wil never HAVE your lover
- An psychological predicament: when we do what we are NOT SUPPOSED to do, then we feel that we are doing what we REALLY WANT to do.
- And last not least: The VICTIM of an AFFAIR is not always the victim of the MARRIAGE
Enjoy the talk and let us know what your perspective is on what Esther says. Does it ring a bell in you? What were your experiences regarding marriage and cheating? This is an invitation to think about these topics from a different angle